Let it Out
by imaginarybird
Summary: In the weeks after Legacy, Riley reaches her breaking point. Complete.
1. Let it Out

Part One of Two.

* * *

Riley Matthews is tired.

She's tired of sharing beautiful, warm, butterfly-inducing moments with Lucas and having to feel guilty immediately afterward. She's tired of going about her day, just doing whatever it takes to get through, and turning the corner to find him sharing mirrors of those moments with Maya.

It would hurt no matter who it was, but she thinks it probably hurts more because it's Maya. Because Maya deserves every happiness in the world. Because Maya is her best friend and practically her sister so who is Riley to be getting in the way of that and potentially taking it away or to protest Maya finally knowing what she wants and actually being willing to try and get it? Because Maya is her best friend and practically her sister so who is she to decide that what she wants is the very same thing that Riley has?

OK. So Lucas wasn't _hers._ But they had _something_. Something that was real and mutual, and yes, Riley got scared and pulled back a little and she can own her responsibility there but she knows roughly when Maya figured out her feelings for Lucas and it was almost certainly when Riley and him were still close and in their unofficial bliss. It hurts that Maya would do that to her. And she can't say anything because Maya has every right to feel how she feels, and now Maya has every right to act how she wants to with Lucas.

After all, Riley got scared.

She also can't say anything because normally if something is bothering her, Maya is who she talks about it with. But she can't go to Maya when Maya is part of the problem. She can't risk their friendship like that. Just like she can't risk their friendship by fighting too much for Lucas even though every beat of her heart when she's with him tells her that she needs to.

So when graduation comes and goes and nothing changes except what school they go to, Riley Matthews is tired.

And as always, when she ventures outside the confines of her bedroom, she has to pretend that everything is fine.

Like now, as they gather at Farkle's to help him plan a small birthday party for Smackle. Well...she's helping him plan a small birthday party for Smackle. Zay is enjoying the experience of massacring zombies on a literal wall of high def televisions, Maya has ensconced herself in the replica of her room and gotten caught up in sketching something, and Lucas is rotating among them all.

"I'm sure my mom would be happy to let you use the bakery." Riley says, jotting down a few notes on her pad of paper. They've been brainstorming and making all sorts of decisions for a few hours now. The party is shaping up nicely and Riley's enjoying the distraction. "Or there's always the roof at our building since it'll be the end of June and really nice out."

Farkle shakes his head. "I think Izzy would rather be inside."

"Then the bakery it is."

"Great. So, you'll talk to your mom about that, and I'll put together the final guest list." Farkle runs down the list that he's been making. "We've got music and decorations figured out, if we're at the bakery that'll probably take care of food..."

"Speaking of which, how about we table the rest of this until we get some lunch?" Riley suggests, setting down her notepad. Farkle's stomach rumbles before she can even finish the question and she laughs. "I don't know about you, but I could really go for some pizza."

Zay pauses his video game and turns in his seat. "Did I just hear someone suggest pizza?"

"Yeah, we're thinking about taking a lunch break."

"I'm in." Zay turns back to the game and sets to work saving his progress. "Lets go."

Riley gets to her feet. "I'll grab Maya and Lucas." She doesn't give it a second thought, even as she's walking back to the hidden room. Her mind has been everywhere else all morning, visiting a happier place that doesn't have any of the drama she's been so desperately trying to ignore and wish away. She's been focusing on making Farkle and Smackle happy and it's made a nice change of pace that she's more than willing to hang onto.

Then she gets to Farkle's Maya room and the peace it took all morning to build comes crashing back down in barely two seconds. Maya's on the floor, sitting underneath the arch of twinkle lights. Her sketchpad is in hand, but her focus is less on drawing and more on the hand Lucas is using to brush her hair away from her face. They're both smiling and so caught up in their conversation that they don't even notice her in the door frame.

Riley doesn't know long she stands there, barely able to breathe. They look so happy. Is Lucas ever that happy and comfortable when he's with her? She knows how she feels with him and how he looks but is it ever _really_ like that? He's looking at Maya like she hung the moon and suddenly Riley's wondering if she's imagined all the times he's looked at her like that. Because how can you possibly feel that way about two people at the same time?

"Hey, let's hurry it up! Didn't Riley tell you guys?"

Riley nearly jumps at Zay's sudden presence behind her. She presses her lips firmly together, clenches her jaw and one deep breath later, she manages to draw half a smile on her face. "I hadn't had the chance yet." It takes everything she has not to wince at how forced and weak her voice sounds.

"Oh. Well we're going to get pizza. So if you two lovebirds could pry yourselves off of each other we can get going."

Riley doesn't even have to turn around to know that Zay is smiling as he talks. Which is why she can't talk to him about any of this. They're not that close to begin with, but even if they were, he's always made it super clear that he thinks Maya and Lucas are perfect for each other. He might not say it directly to her face in those words, but his comments and actions make it clear enough.

Lucas and Maya at least have the good sense to pull apart at Zay's comment, and as they stand they blush and avoid everyone's eyes but the damage has already been done and they know it. The air hangs heavy and thick around all of them and nobody makes a move.

After a moment, Zay seems to realize his mistake and he claps a hand down on Riley's shoulder. "I didn't mean it like that, Sugar. I just meant that-,"

"What exactly is taking so long to say we're going to get pizza?" Farkle's approach cuts Zay off, but he takes in the temperature of the room much quicker and the smiles drops off his face. His eyes go back and forth between Riley and the pair of Maya and Lucas. He sighs. "What happened this time?"

The frustration and dejection in his voice is another punch to Riley's gut. Everyone _else_ is tired of dealing with her drama too. She wouldn't be surprised if she provides an explanation and they all tell her she should have just been looking elsewhere if it bothers her because this is the situation she created. Thankfully, she's spared having to answer by her phone chiming in her pocket, and Riley pulls it out.

It's just an alert from one of her apps, but she thumbs it open anyways and quickly makes the decision to lie. She's not hungry anymore, and her good mood is gone. All she wants to do is crawl back into her room where she doesn't have to pretend that she's not tired. "Looks like you guys will have to go without me. My dad got called into some kind of emergency faculty meeting and he needs me home to watch Auggie."

"Oh, OK." Maya is the first to smile and nod. "Next time, then."

"Yeah, sure." Riley turns to Farkle in order to avoid dealing with any other comments or questions. "Call me later if you need anymore help planning. I'll ask my mom about using the bakery." She says her goodbyes and retreats as quickly as she possibly can.

She's so tired and the last thing she needs or wants is for everyone there to see that.

Instead she goes back out to Farkle's room and gathers her things. She pokes her head into the study on her way out to thank Farkle's mom for having them over. A moment later she's almost to the elevator that will take her back down to the building's lobby and she regrets her decision to be a polite guest because Farkle catches up with her before she can step in, and he has _the look_ on his face.

"Riley, are you OK?"

"Of course." She smiles thinly, running a hand through her hair and then crossing her arms over her chest. What's one more lie among friends? "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you just saw Lucas and Maya sharing some kind of moment. And you love him. And then Zay made his comment and-"

Riley cuts him off, laughing nervously. "And I don't need the play by play. I was there."

"That's why I know you're upset. That's why you're leaving."

"No, I'm leaving because my dad got called into work and someone needs to watch Auggie."

"Riley stop lying. Friends don't lie to each other."

Farkle doesn't even try to hide the frustration across his face and Riley can't believe it. How can he understand the situation enough to know that she's hurting, but not understand that she needs to protect herself at some point, and that leaving is the only way she can do that? It's not like she can talk it through with _him._ She remembers all too well where that got her last time and she has absolutely no interest in going through another round. "No, friends just make things harder by blurting out other friend's secrets in front of their entire class." She bites out before she can stop herself.

They never talked about what happened on New Years, but she hasn't trusted him the same way. How could she? But she's refused to say anything and cause even more trouble.

Maybe being this tired makes you say the things you normally fight to keep to yourself.

"I was just doing what-,"

"You thought was best." She finishes for him. "I know. Only I don't know if you noticed, but it didn't actually fix anything. Things are worse now. And I'm really tired of everyone else getting to decide what's best when it's my life." She turns and steps into the elevator. "So if you don't mind, I'm going to do what's best _for me_ and leave now." Riley presses the button for the lobby. If Farkle has a response, it's lost to the closing of the doors.

* * *

Riley Matthews is tired.

She's tired of feeling like the interloping guest her own apartment. She's tired of feeling like all she is to her dad is another student and that her relationship with him gets checked at the doors of the school. She's tired of everything and everyone being more important to her mom than she is.

She doesn't expect much when he gets home from Farkle's earlier than planned, and in the time it takes her to take the subway back to her neighborhood she finds herself getting more riled up over everything, from the triangle with Lucas and Maya, to Farkle's interference, to the lack of genuine support and someone to turn to. When Riley pushes opens the door to the apartment she thinks, in an admittedly uncharitable and bitter fashion, that it will be a miracle if anyone even notices that she's home.

So it's surprising that the first thing she hears upon entering her home is her dad's voice. "Riley! I thought you were over at Farkle's today. What happened?"

"I got a headache and wanted to lie down for a bit." Riley knows that lying to her dad makes it actually impossible for him to help; it's hard for someone to get involved when they don't know what's going on. But she also knows roughly how things will go if she explains what happened. Her dad will get a vaguely sick, uncomfortable look on his face at thought of anything to do with her _feelings_ for a _boy_ and then he might pat her on the shoulder and tell her that 'honesty's important' and 'these things take time'. And if it still didn't seem like she was feeling better after that he'd probably find an excuse to leave. That's how the conversation always goes and she's tired of trying and hoping for a different outcome.

"Take something first and try and fall asleep." Her dad advises. He's moving in a frenzy around the living room, searching for something. "I always feel better after a good nap."

Riley nods in agreement. What else is there to say? Saying more would just risk the lie, not that he's given anything she says a second thought lately.

Her dad finally picks up two slips of paper from the mess of magazines on the coffee table, grinning triumphantly. "Ha! OK, hon. I'm gonna go surprise Auggie and pick him up from day camp early to go to the Mets/Phillies game. Your mom is working from her home office today if you need anything, but try and get some rest to feel better!" He leaves the apartment in a whirlwind, placing a Phillies cap on his head and kissing her cheek before exiting.

Riley's too tired to react.

There was a time when she would have been a part of her dad's plans, either conspiring with him to surprise Auggie, or getting surprised alongside him. Maybe even being the only one her dad was bringing to the game. They used to do a lot of father-daughter things like that. Then middle school happened. She asked for a little space to grow and blossom and suddenly she was no longer Daddy's Little Girl. It feels like she can count on ten fingers the number of real conversations they've had outside of the classroom in the past year.

It's no big shock that she's not a part of these plans now. It hurts, the same way it hurts every time her dad brushes her off, but it's not unexpected.

Riley heads back to her room, deciding to forgo poking her head into her mom's office and risking that disappointing conversation. Instead she closes her bedroom door, draws her curtains, turns some music on, and throws herself onto her bed. She closes her eyes, but doesn't fall asleep, just loses track of the time as her mind once again circles around everything that's happened.

She doesn't want to give up. On Lucas, or Maya, or any of her friends. She knows, no matter what everyone else seems to think, that her feelings for Lucas are real, and she really does think that their connection is there and mutual. Not something that she's been imagining all this time. She thinks that she and Maya could go back to having a friendship just as strong as her dad and Shawn's if only they could get past this. If only she could understand what has been going through Maya's heart. If only she could understand better what Lucas thinks about her and about Maya. And if all of that could come back together it would so much easier to forgive Farkle, or to let go of everything with her parents…

Riley doesn't want to give up. She's just not sure how to keep going either.

She doesn't know exactly how much time has passed when she hears someone enter through the bay window, only that it's been well over an hour since she got home, and that she doesn't really care who it is. The only people that come in through the window are all involved, and she's not sure that she wants to see any of them right now.

She doesn't bother to roll over and face the window.

"Riley?" The person speaks softly. Riley closes her eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath when she recognizes their voice. It's Lucas. Because of course it is. "Are you awake?"

Riley counts to three under her breath before she answers. "Yeah." She sits up, drawing on all of her energy to be smiley and strong. She can only imagine why he's come over now when he's supposed to still be hanging out with everyone else and he's supposed to think that she's babysitting her brother. Maybe the moment she had seen between him and Maya was _the_ moment—the one where he realized exactly who it was he wanted. Maybe he thought if he broke the news to her now when she was alone and meant to be busy then there wouldn't be much of a scene. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you still be hanging out with the others?"

"I wanted to see you." Lucas answers, crossing the room to sit on the edge of the bed. "You were so busy helping Farkle plan Smackle's birthday, it felt like we barely got to say hi to each other."

Riley hates herself a little for how quickly some of her defenses fall when he speaks. It's not fair that all he has to do is flash that smile or say a few nice things and it sends her right back to being a happy, little dope. How is she supposed to control herself or handle everything that happens when he has the power to make her feel like this without even trying? "We both had other things to do I guess."

"I hate that it's like this now."

"Me too."

Everything's warm and fuzzy and for a moment Riley forgets that the world isn't just her and Lucas and that they're part of a bigger mess. For a moment Riley feels special again. Then Lucas reaches over to brush a strand of hair away from her face and the floor falls out from under her once more.

What had she _just seen_ him do with Maya?

She's not special. He just has to even things out.

Riley pulls away from his hand, scooting back a touch on the bed, and allowing her smile to fall off. "What are you doing here, Lucas?"

"I just told you, I wanted to see you." Lucas frowns. "You kept yourself busy helping Farkle this morning and then you left so quickly...Riley, I know your dad didn't call to have you come watch Auggie. I saw your face when after you saw me and Maya and I just thought that-,"

"Of course." It always comes back to that. The perpetual balancing of the scales. Her stomach had started to roll a little when she realized that she had seen him brush Maya's hair away from her face in the same tender manner only a few hours earlier. The churning is swiftly turning into an angry bubble that she doesn't even try to contain. If she had been too tired to contain her sarcasm with Farkle, that feeling had nothing on her frustration now. How _dare_ he make her feel like this? Again. "Get out."

The frown turns to actual shock. Riley remembers a similar journey of expressions crossing his face in Texas and how much it had hurt to cause him that pain, but now it barely chips into her resolve. "What?"

"Get out." She repeats, a bit firmer. A bit louder. "I don't want you here. You need to leave."

"What did I do?"

"You came here!" Riley explodes, leaping to her feet. She crosses the room towards her vanity. Anything to put some distance between them. "And you only did it because I caught you with Maya earlier! You just admitted it."

Lucas follows her lead, getting off of the bed. "That's not what I meant. I just thought that-,"

"You thought that you needed to keep things even. That somehow that will make everything OK." Riley spins on her heels, glaring. Any pretext of a calm or a measured discussion is officially gone because all she can see is the burning white hot light of every single feeling she's been swallowing down for months."Well, newsflash Lucas! It doesn't! I am so _sick_ of being trapped on this ridiculous see-saw with Maya, always wondering if you're being nice to me because you're genuinely feeling like it and want to be or because you just think you need to because you were nice to her. It is exhausting and-and _crappy_ and I am _so_ _tired_ of smiling my way through it and telling everyone that it's all going to be fine and work out the way it's supposed to and pretend that it doesn't _kill me_ every time I see the way you look at her or I see her face when you say something nice to me when all I _really_ want to do is slap you for putting all of us through this just because you can't figure out what it is that you want!"

She finishes, nearly panting with the exertion of her rant. In the silence that follows, she revels a little in the rush of letting things out, enjoys the moment of righteous anger more than she ever thought possible. Then Riley sees Lucas' flat, tired expression that so perfectly matches how she's been feeling.

"What if..." Lucas hesitates and for a brief second Riley could swear that he's going to bite his lip. "What if I know what I want, I just don't want to hurt someone else?"

"Then that's even worse." Riley crosses her arms over her chest. She fights to cling to every last bit of rage for how fast the adrenaline fades and reality starts setting back in. "I want you out, Lucas. Now."

"But-,"

"Out!"

Lucas sighs and shakes his head, but to Riley's relief he exits through the bay window without another word.

He barely gets out onto the fire escape before the door to her room swings open, and her mom enters, concerned. "Riley? What in the world is going on? I heard shouting."

"I was just asking Lucas to leave. We had a...disagreement." As with her dad, Riley has a hard time bringing herself to tell her mom the whole story. It's not that she doesn't want her help or advice—she desperately wishes she could find the bond with her mom that it feels like she's missing—but, as with her dad, she has a good idea of how the conversation will go. She's not going to put herself through that if she can help it. Even if just standing here in the aftermath of yelling at Lucas it's starting to feel like she's just ruined everything all over again and all she wants is for someone to tell her that even if she has it will be OK.

That's supposed to be a mother's job.

Her mom frowns and steps into the room. "What do the two of you have to fight about?" Riley's just never sure if it's _her_ mother's job anymore. How can her mom really not have a clue? She might not have been talking to her as much in the last couple of weeks, but it's not like they've never spoken about the situation with Maya and Lucas. Her mom should know how worried Riley has been about all of it. "The last I heard, the two of you were getting close again."

"We haven't been close since Texas." Riley shakes her head and takes a seat in the bay window; she doesn't have it in her to do this standing. "Where did you even hear that?"

"Well, Maya's come to me a few times when she's upset and she said that-," Her mom seems to realize exactly what it is that she's said and at least has the grace to soften her gaze as she steps into the room. "Then again, maybe I was only getting her part of the story when I spoke with her." She walks in and sits next to Riley. "What do you think has been going on?"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to think anymore. I haven't for a long time." Riley admits, and after a moment's hesitation she starts to talk about some of the more recent events and constantly feeling like she's just been one half of a scale. She's not made of stone after all; as much as she doesn't want to put herself through any more hurt today, her mom is finally sitting next to her, asking to hear her side of things and how she's feeling. Riley can't ignore the dangling bit of hope. Not when it's the conversation she's been longing for so desperately. Not when she's felt so alone for so long.

She talks about feeling like she has had no one, between Maya's involvement and Farkle's betrayal, and then Riley talks about how miserable it's been, being stuck wondering what's real and what's part of 'keeping things even', and how now, apparently, she has to wonder about all of it all over again because according to Lucas, he's known all along who he wants to be with he just doesn't want to hurt the other person…

Because she gets on a roll and is enjoying the moment of actually holding her mom's attention, Riley even takes what she considers to be the big leap, and starts to tell her mom how it's felt like she doesn't come first for anyone. Riley realizes a sentence or two in that, once again, she's been reading the situation wrong.

Her mom's phone rings, and when she pulls it out of her pocket to see who it is, Riley sees Maya's face smiling back up at her while her parents— _Riley's_ parents—kiss her cheeks from either side. Riley recognizes the picture instantly, as one her mom had asked her to take at the rooftop graduation party, and she's not at all surprised to learn that her mom has made it Maya's caller ID picture, nor is she surprised to see the broad smile that crosses her mom's face when she sees it.

She _is_ shocked that her mom doesn't even hesitate to answer the call. "Maya, my love, how are you?" Riley can't hear Maya's response through the receiver, but she doesn't have to. She knows exactly how this will play out now. Her mom frowns and gets up, starting to walk out of the room. "Well, what happened? Why would he just abandon you like that?" Halfway out the door, she turns back, covering the receiver with one hand. "We can finish this later, right Riley? Maya really needs someone to talk to."

Riley is too stunned to even nod.

She shouldn't be surprised. Her mother has always loved Maya, and this has been the way of things for a long time, with her mom choosing to take care of Maya first as though _she's_ her daughter and Riley is just the best friend who comes over all the time, but somehow it still stings. For a moment it felt like she was getting through to her and maybe they would get to have a serious conversation and things would change but now she knows, just like everything else, it was only a fantasy. A stupid, unrealistic notion she came up with when her heart got going ahead of her brain.

There was never going to be a breakthrough with her mom. Her mom hadn't even been listening. How could she have been? How could a mother hear her daughter say that she felt like a second choice in her own home, and still decide to go talk to someone else and make them a priority?

The bedroom door closes behind her mom and Riley's shock gives way rapidly to anger.

She can't keep going through this. The endless cycle of opening herself up to person after person only to be told or shown that what she's feeling isn't important. That _she's_ not important.

Just once, she wants someone to look at her and realize that she needs some actual support. Just once, she wants someone to listen to her and have a conversation that doesn't bring up how great anyone else is. Just once, she wants to have someone go to bat for her—not the group— _her_.

Riley doesn't think that's really too much to ask. Only apparently to everyone around her, it is.

So Riley arranges her pillows underneath her blankets, gathers a few things and shoves them into her backpack, and leaves the apartment down the fire escape.

She's doesn't know where it is she's going, not yet. All she knows is she's too tired to stay.

* * *

"So at the time I was really into my art, you know, working on a performance piece that demonstrated the futility of trying to sell a truly original screenplay about a divorced college professor on his journey of self-discovery to a Hollywood that's obsessed with seeing the same Woody Allen movie get made over and over, but my girlfriend just didn't get it. She insisted that I was-,"

It takes every ounce of Morgan Matthews' self control to merely tune out the droning, pretentious drivel coming out of her date's mouth and not push herself away from the table and run out of the restaurant screaming. The guy, a friend of a friend of a friend, is good looking with a solid job, which had been enough to get Morgan agree to the setup in the first place, given how quiet her love life has been lately. She never would have considered it if anyone had said a word about how terrible and pompous his personality was.

Instead of listening to his third rant on how creative he is and how horrible his exes have been for not supporting his 'art' (and she's stopped trying to hide the fact that she's rolling her eyes whenever he calls it that) Morgan is eating her pasta and plotting revenge on the so-called friend who thought this was someone that she actually would get along with or even deserved to be exposed to.

He actually had the nerve to try and order for her.

The entire night—her one night off a week, mind you—has been an exercise in patience and restraint and Morgan has never been happier to have her phone ring in the middle of a date. When she checks the display and sees her niece's beautiful smile, a lie forms easily on her lips and she doesn't hesitate to interrupt her companion.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this." She's not sorry at all. "It's my niece, and she usually only texts so if she's calling it might be something really important." Morgan doesn't wait for him to acknowledge the excuse, nor does she try to hide the fact that she's taking her purse with her as she walks away from the table to take the call away from the dining room so she won't disturb anyone else. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She greets, thumbing open the call as she reaches the foyer. "Riley, you have amazing timing. You're my favorite relative and it will be reflected in your birthday present. What do you want? Cash? Clothes? Makeup? Show tickets? Name it, it's yours."

Morgan passes her waitress on her way out (and passes the woman some cash because she has zero confidence that her date will leave an appropriate tip, particularly once he realizes that he's been ditched) and doesn't receive a response from Riley until she's out in the parking lot.

"Can you come pick me up?"

"Well I can, but it'll take me a while to get to New York." Morgan crosses the parking lot to her car, ever grateful that her rule for blind dates is that they meet at the location (much safer, and better for escaping the awkward or non-existent connections) "Is there something more immediate I can-"

"I'm not in New York."

When Riley cuts her off, Morgan stops in her tracks. It occurs to her that her niece's voice is quiet, flat, and shaky in a way that can't quite be attributed to a bad cell connection, and that was so busy expressing her gratitude to get away from that horrible date that she hadn't actually gotten the reason for Riley's call. "Where are you then?"

"Um...The train station. In Wells."

"Wells? As in Maine?" Morgan sputters. "As in where I live?" Technically, it's the town _next_ to the town where she lives but in the grand scheme of Maine, it's close enough. And in any case none of the towns in Maine are anywhere near where Riley is supposed to be as far as Morgan knows. "Did I forget you were coming to visit?"

"Not exactly." A beat passes. "It was a...spur of the moment decision."

"Are you OK? You're not hurt or something are you?"

"No. Not hurt or anything, just...tired." Riley sighs. "So can you come get me?"

Morgan glances towards the road, the main street that cuts through the center of the town of Ogunquit and take her right to the Wells train station where apparently her niece is waiting. The traffic is bumper to bumper, crawling at an almost glacial pace; a coastal town in Maine in the height of tourist season isn't exactly the place to live if you want to get anywhere quickly.

At least Riley made her spontaneous little trip on a Monday, when the theater is dark and Morgan can actually answer her phone.

"It'll take me a little while to get there. Traffic's not so great this time of day." Morgan tells Riley to stay on the platform at the train station and after checking with her one more time that she's really OK, she hangs up the phone and starts the trip, thinking things over all the while.

She just can't figure out what's going on, or why Riley has suddenly decided to visit her.

With anyone else, Morgan would say that calling the trip a 'spontaneous decision' is teenager code for running away, but she knows her niece. Riley is not the sort of kid that would consider running away from home, even to her neighbor's apartment, let alone getting on a train and crossing multiple state lines. But she also knows her brother and sister-in-law. They wouldn't just send Riley her way without so much as a phone call. Morgan's not sure which option worries her more but when she reaches the train station some 45 minutes later (about half an hour longer than it would normally take her) and she finds Riley sitting on one of the benches, backpack at her feet and staring at her hands in her lap, Morgan realizes that whatever is going on, Cory and Topanga can't possibly know about it.

Riley is obviously devastated and broken over something and Morgan can't imagine a scenario where her brother would see that and not do anything about it.

"Oh my gosh, you actually ran away." Morgan says, rushing from her car up to the train platform. "Ri Ri, what happened? Are you OK?" She sits next to her niece on the bench and pulls her into a close hug. The ferocity with which Riley returns the hug and starts to sniffle into her shoulder are just one more warning flag for Morgan; Riley has always been a hugger, but never to the point of desperation. Or pain. When did the little pint-sized girl learn to squeeze like this? Morgan lets her linger for a minute and sap comfort but eventually her curiosity, and the growing pain around her ribs, get the better of her, and Morgan attempts to disengage. "OK, Ri Ri, I'm not gonna be able to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. What in the world would make you run away from home?"

"I'm just...really tired, Aunt Mo Mo." Riley pulls away, wiping the tears from her face.

"Yeah, I'll bet. That's a seven hour train ride you just took." Morgan, able to recognize a deflection when she hears one, is fairly confident that she won't get answers about the specific reasons for this visit if she presses too hard. She quickly decides to hold off on asking for the details. "Where do your parents even think you are?" She bends over to grab Riley's bag, stands and without words starts to guide her niece toward the parking lot. No matter what the direction of the conversation might be, she's fairly certain it's one that ought to be had in private.

"I don't know. I just kind of...left."

Yep. Bad things were definitely happening in the world of Riley. And while the part of Morgan that's always worried that Riley was a little _too_ sweet and well-behaved and in general had only received the fluffy personality traits of the Matthews Clan is fairly proud and relieved to see that her niece has finally reached her rebellious phase, the responsible adult part of her is horrified. "You didn't even leave a note?"

Riley shakes her head.

"Riley, it's 8:30 at night! You left the city hours ago. Your parents must be worried sick."

"I doubt they've noticed." Riley shrugs, sliding into the passenger seat of Morgan's car.

Morgan frowns and tosses Riley's backpack into the back seat. "Even if they thought you were spending the day at a friend's house they had to expect you home for dinner on a Monday night, Riley. Of course they've noticed you haven't shown up. You're their daughter."

"That's not what it feels like." Riley mutters, so low under her breath that Morgan almost doesn't hear. When she speaks again, though she raises her voice. "Aunt Morgan, I kind of came here so I wouldn't have to deal with thinking about this for a while. Can we-,"

"Say no more." Morgan cuts her off, getting into the car herself. She wants Riley to trust her and open up and that means picking her battles. She's not going to push Riley about Cory and Topanga when, clearly, Cory and Topanga are at least part of the problem. She'll covertly text them so they won't be panicked over the safety of their only daughter, but she won't push Riley.

Riley seems surprised. "Really?"

After buckling her seat belt, Morgan starts the car. "Really. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't want to talk about it. I'm not gonna make you Riles. Not when you're obviously upset and exhausted. We'll just head back to my place and get some food in-,"

"I just can't believe that when I was finally talking to her about everything, the second Maya called she still just walked away so she could go talk to her."

The interruption comes so suddenly from Riley that it takes Morgan a moment to catch up. Between the fast turnaround in Riley's willingness to talk and the vagueness of what she actually says Morgan needs to focus to stay caught up. She'd forgotten the speed at which teenagers can move. She starts to drive back towards Ogunquit and her home as she responds. "You mean your mom?"

"Yes! I'm sitting there telling her about how worried I am to be losing my best friends and Lucas and how alone I've felt because I can't talk to _them_ about any of it and how I can't really talk to her or dad about it because dad doesn't do feelings talks with me anymore, or really any talks outside of class or really anything, and because there's always something more important for her. Work, or Auggie, or Maya… She can't even take five seconds to think of something to tell me that I'm good at, but she can spend hours talking to Maya about her heartbreak over falling for the guy that _I've_ had feelings and some sort of relationship with for _two years_. Never mind what that sort of thing might do to _me._ And I'm telling her all of this and about my fight with Lucas and feeling like nobody cares about my feelings in all of this they just want it to be over with and how invisible I've been and what happens?"

Morgan, with a slight sense of disgust and dread, can fill in the blanks. She only knows the basics about what has been going on between her niece, her best friend, and this Lucas boy, and most of that has come from Auggie. Riley always avoids talking about it and Morgan remembers when she was a teenager how much she hated when people tried to make her talk, so she never forces the issue. But she knows that it boils down to someone Riley thought was her best friend (and that everyone in the Matthews family pretty much considers family, although due to various scheduling conflicts Morgan has only ever met her over video chat) developing feelings for the guy that Riley had a blossoming relationship with, and Riley being a combination of nervous and insecure about what might happen with that relationship and selfless when it comes to her friends happiness, but unable to actually let go of her feelings for the boy. When the truth came out, naturally things got incredibly complicated. It would be hard enough to deal with just that, but Morgan's starting to realize that it's not _just_ that. On top of it all, Riley is feeling incredibly unsupported. And if even half of what she's describing now is true, justifiably so.

Morgan sighs. "Maya calls."

"Of course she does! And I'm just so...so mad! Not that Maya needs help, but why is it always from my family? Why is there always something else that's more important than me? I just want _someone..._ I _need_ someone to put me first _for once_ , and maybe that's selfish of me. I don't know anymore. But I don't understand why all anyone else has to do is sigh and everyone drops everything to run to their side to be there for them but my feelings and my problems and everything that happens in my life doesn't seem to count for anything!"

Riley's rant ends in panting, choked silence.

Morgan removes one hand from the steering wheel to grab on to Riley's. "Ri Ri, wanting to be supported by your parents is not being selfish. They're supposed to protect and support you."

"I just...I don't understand why I don't matter to them anymore."

Her niece collapses into sobs and Morgan pulls the car off onto the shoulder of the road. She undoes first her seat belt then Riley's, and leans over to pull her into a tight embrace.

* * *

They spend nearly twenty minutes on the side of the road until Riley has calmed down enough that Morgan feels comfortable letting her go and continuing to drive home. Her niece continues to sniffle and weep in the passenger seat and Morgan continues to hold her hand and reassure her for the length of the fifteen-minute drive. All the while her own anger and frustration with her brother and sister-in-law continues to fester.

It's not lost on Morgan that they haven't even responded to her text that Riley is safe and with her.

Any other day she might be charitable and make excuses for them. Cory has never exactly been good at keeping calm during emergencies and it would be exactly like him to forget that cell-phones were a thing if he got caught up in worrying about Riley. But she's not going to excuse the behavior of anyone whose actions made their fourteen year old daughter break down like Riley just has.

And it's not just the tears. It's the anger and the confusion and the fact that she ran away.

Morgan knows Riley. She knows how much she hates getting angry and how hard she works to understand the people around her and why things happen the way they do and how much she cares about being good and following rules. Morgan knows that if whatever has been going on was enough to make Riley want to run away from home, and to run so far as Maine without even letting her parents know she was leaving the house, then it's not just her imagining things or blowing them out of proportion. It's something real, and big, and it's been going on for a long time.

So Morgan won't excuse Cory or Topanga. She won't excuse any of Riley's friends, or anyone else whose behavior has led to her thinking that it's _selfish_ to want a little support or that she doesn't matter to people. She'll be angry with them until they give her a damn good reason not to be.

When they get back to her home, a small cottage near the beach just off the main drag of the town, Morgan gives her niece a brief tour, then offers Riley the use of her shower to give her a little privacy to finish letting out what she knows feel like ugly, emotional tears and give her the chance to refresh and feel a bit more put together again.

"There's extra towels in the closet, use whatever body wash and shampoo you want. I'll just be in the kitchen if you need anything."

Riley nods and brings her things down the hall, and Morgan sits at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, facing the hall so she can see when Riley finishes. She fiddles with her phone, sending a text to the friend who had set her up on the disaster of date until she hears the bathroom door close and the shower start to run. Then she wastes little time in opening up her video chat and calling her brother.

She wants to see his face when he tries to explain himself.

It takes Cory nearly two minutes to answer and Morgan is feeling even less charitable. She cuts off his smiling greeting without a thought.

"Morgan, my favorite little sis-,"

"It's 9:30 PM. Do you know where _your_ daughter is?"

His grin grows a little bemused. "Asleep in her room."

"Really?" She can't believe he's not the least bit concerned. Even if Cory hadn't known Riley was missing, the text Morgan had sent nearly an hour ago now should have been a big clue.

"Really." Cory nods. "She had a headache, so she went to bed early when Topanga met me and Auggie at the movies."

"Oh." Morgan nearly rolls her eyes, knowing that even if Cory actually believes all of that, it's a poorly investigated truth at best. "So you guys spoke with her? Found out that was her plan? Asked her if she wanted to go to the movies after your special Phillies game with Auggie?"

He doesn't even think to ask how she knows about the Phillies game. "Topanga poked her head in but she was already asleep." Cory's smile transitions to more and more confused as the conversation progresses. "What's going on? Did you want to talk to her or something?"

"I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in this family that you don't know where your daughter is."

He actually frowns now. "Morgan, I told you. She's asleep in her room." Topanga enters the room behind him, and Cory waves her over. "Topanga, will you tell my _insane_ sister that Riley is in her room?"

Topanga leans over the back of the couch, fully entering the frame of the chat. "I just looked in after Auggie got settled. She's right where she was when I left."

"Oh really?" Morgan raises an eyebrow.

"Really." Topanga looks at Cory. "What's going on?"

"She thinks we don't know where Riley is." He says.

Topanga scoffs. "That's ridiculous. Morgan, Riley's been home all day."

Since they aren't getting the point and realizing that they might just be wrong about this, and because she is tired of dancing around the subject when she could be moving in for the kill, Morgan puts on her deadliest smile. "Check. Your. Texts." She watches Topanga pull out her phone. It takes long enough for her to pull anything up that Morgan realizes she probably hasn't even had her phone out since the end of the movie.

"'No need to worry about Riley.'" Topanga reads. "'She's really upset, but she made it to me safely and I'm happy to take care of her until we figure out what's going on.'" She looks back at the camera. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it says." Morgan replies coolly, watching as their faces go from concerned and frowning to actual worry. "Only I sent it about an hour ago so I know what's going on now."

That's all it takes for them to rush out of the living room, and Morgan is taken on a shaky, filmed-backward journey down the hall towards Riley's bedroom. She can't see everything, but she hears enough noises, like the rustling of blankets to know that they're now uncovering Riley was never in the bed to begin with when they thought she was.

Cory's face comes back into frame a moment later, now a vision of distress and near panic. "Where is my daughter?"

"In my shower. I got a phone call an hour ago from her asking me to pick her up from the train station in Wells. Where I found her, exhausted and devastated and feeling completely abandoned and forgotten by you two."

Topanga is the first to react, naturally. "Where on earth would she get an idea like that?"

"Oh, I don't know." Morgan let's the sarcasm drip from her voice rather than try to hide it. "Maybe from the fact that neither of you will have a real conversation with her about any of the problems she's having with her friends. Or the fact that when she tries to open up to you, you still choose to run and help one of those friends instead. Or the fact that you don't include her in things any more. Do you think that _maybe_ , just _maybe_ any one of those things might be really freakin' hard for Riley to deal with on top of the pain of her friend having feelings for her crush and her crush actually entertaining his options? Do you think that _maybe_ some of that may have been too much for her to deal with entirely on her own?"

"We talk to Riley!" Cory protests. "I talk to her all the time."

"About anything meaningful? Because I really doubt that if you had had a real conversation anytime in the last month—hell, even the last week, Riley would have even thought twice about running to me. She would have stayed and waited for you. And before you go saying anything about how you would have sat down and talked with her if you had noticed something was wrong, just don't. Because, all judgment in the world intended, your daughter was so upset and felt so alone that she got on a train and crossed state lines just to come to someone that she thought might be supportive and pay attention to her for more than two minutes. She collapsed into my arms sobbing about why she didn't matter to the two of you anymore, and worried that she was being selfish for wanting someone to listen to her and give her advice. And neither of you even knew she wasn't in the apartment, let alone that she had left the city!

"Do you really want to fight me right now and tell me how great of parents you've been? Because I have a teenager in my shower who would beg to differ."

For a moment all she gets is stunned silence. Morgan's sure they're replaying events over in their head, wondering what they might have missed or where they might have gone wrong for things to have gone this far. She's happy to let them torture themselves a little and merely wait; she loves them, they're family, but there are certain things you don't do with people, especially kids. Especially your own kids. She's not going to stop them from realizing that they've made a mess of things.

She is a little surprised when Topanga is the first to sigh and look directly at the camera with tears in her eyes, having expected Cory to be the one to break. Morgan had thought for sure that Topanga would go on the defensive. Right before she starts to speak, Morgan sees Riley exit the bathroom, in pajamas, with her hair in a loose wet braid.

"It'll probably take us a day or two to get everything together to come up and get her. Do you think that you can keep an eye on her until-"

Morgan's also a little surprised when Riley starts shaking her head, eyes wide. "Of course I'll take care of her." She cuts her sister-in-law off. "But you're not coming up. Not right away."

"What? No. We're going to come up and talk things out and fix things."

"I don't think you understand how hurt she is. Riley's too nice to say it to your face, so if you show up here, she'll pretend this was all an emotional mistake and she'll go back home with you and nothing will be fixed." Morgan counters. "So no. You are not going to come up. She can stay with me as long as she wants. I'll help her figure things out. You can check in with me every day. And when she's ready, and only when _she_ tells me she's ready, I'll let you guys know it's time to come up and do the big family moment. But until that day comes, you're just going to have to deal with. I won't let her rush back just because you're feeling guilty and have things go back to the way they were in two weeks. You'll just have to deal with what you've done on your own for a little while."

The fighter and lawyer in Topanga comes out at the thought. "If you don't let us see her, that's tantamount to kidnapping. She might have run away to you, but that doesn't mean you have the right to-,"

"That's right. She did run to me." Morgan interrupts her, making sure that her tone brokers no argument. She'll make Riley her priority, even if no one else will. "And you're right, the law and the police would probably side with you if you really want to make this that nasty. But if you think for a moment that they won't side-eye the hell out of you for letting your relationship with your daughter get to the point that you don't even realize that she's run away until well after I made the attempt to tell you she was safe, you're dreaming." Riley gasps from her place at the entry to the kitchen and Morgan realizes too late her mistake; she's confirmed that her parents really didn't notice she was gone. She sighs, and glares at the video chat, because she would have broken that news gently to the girl, if at all, but now she has no choice but to break her heart even more. "If you want to calm down and discuss this more in the morning, I would be more than happy to but for now, you'll have to excuse me. I have to take care of Riley."

Morgan disconnects the call and drops her phone onto the counter, turning her full attention to her niece. "Ri Ri, I'm sorry. I was going to-,"

"They really didn't know I was gone?" Her voice cracks.

Morgan shakes her head. A moment later she finds herself holding a sobbing Riley for the second time in as many hours.


	2. Let it In

Riley wakes up slowly to sunlight streaming across her form. She's cuddled up against her Aunt Morgan on a couch that she vaguely remembers moving to in the midst of her crying jag. Her eyes feel dry and puffy and a little painful. She knows from past experience that when she gets up and looks at herself in the mirror, her face is going to be a blotchy, swollen, tear-stained mess. Fitting, considering how she feels.

Invisible.

Forgotten.

Minuscule.

Her own parents didn't even realize she had run away until someone told them hours after the fact. For all the problems they've been having, Riley just can't believe it. How is she supposed to reconcile the parents who used to act out all of her favorite picture books with her during power outages and tell her she was going to be someone who changed the world for the better with the people who don't even care to notice how upset she is? How is she supposed to forget how low she ranks on their list of priorities now?

Her only solace is that she's not dealing with them now, forced to pretend that she really doesn't mind and everything will be OK. How long that respite will last, she's not sure. Morgan had been plenty fired up on her behalf the night before, but Riley's been in this position before thinking that someone was on her side and looking out for her and having things end up as bad if not worse than when they started.

People get tired of dealing with her. They decide that their way is better than hers or that she's just being stupid or that they just don't want to be bothered anymore and even if they don't take action and start trying to do things how they want they still tell her all of that.

Riley wants to believe that, as her aunt, Morgan will be different. She just can't trust that she will be.

She starts to stretch and adjust her position carefully, unable to tilt her head and see if Morgan is waking up too. It takes about three seconds after she starts moving for Riley to get her answer.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up. You must have really needed the sleep." Morgan says, squeezing Riley's shoulder gently before beginning the process of disentangling. She groans a bit as she unfolds her limbs. "Make a note, I am _not_ young enough to be sleep sitting up on the couch anymore." When she finishes her stretching routine, Morgan turns to face her. "OK. So. If you have no objections, I was thinking that we could have a girls' day today. We'll start with brunch at this great diner back in Wells-,"

"Brunch?" Riley interrupts, feeling a little lost. She's still not totally awake and Aunt Morgan is talking like she's already three steps further into their conversation than she is.

"Yeah. They serve waffles with your choice of ice cream and warm maple syrup. Best breakfast I've ever had." Morgan nods. "And after we eat, I figured you probably need to pick up a few things. Some more clothes, a bathing suit, some HBA stuff...we can either head up to the mall in Portland or the down to the outlets in Kittery. Even cross over to the stores in Portsmouth if you want. Wherever you want to go and whatever you want to buy. Aunt Mo Mo's treat."

Riley starts to protest a little. "You don't need to buy me things. I'm already imposing on you, and completely without warning at that."

"You're not imposing on anything. You being here is a surprise but it is absolutely a welcome one. I meant everything that I told your parents last night. I'm happy to have you for as long as you want to stay."

Riley blinks, unsure of what to say.

Morgan waits for a moment, but eventually reaches over, resting her hand on top of Riley's. "How about we just take things a day at a time, OK? Today is day one, you're my niece who I haven't seen in a year, and I don't have to be at the theater until 6:30, so I think it's perfectly fair that we spend today eating, shopping catching up and spoiling you. Unless that sounds like your idea of a bad time."

"No...it sounds great." Riley just isn't sure how she's going to enjoy it. She can't remember the last time she did something that was meant to be fun that didn't also have a cloud of awkwardness or emotion hanging over and threatening to ruin things at any moment. She wants to believe that things will be different with Morgan. That this can be like a little vacation. But even hearing her Aunt reaffirm her commitment, there's still a very loud voice in the back of Riley's head telling her that whatever this is can't possibly last. Her own mother can't be bothered with her, why could anyone else?

Riley can't relax or have fun or forget about everything back in New York when she knows deep in her heart there's still another shoe to drop.

Morgan tilts her head, staring at her pointedly. "Do you want to try that again? Maybe with a hint of excitement or enthusiasm this time?"

"I'm sorry. I do want to go, it sounds like it'll be fun, I just..." Riley drops off, feeling incredibly stupid. In the past 24 hours she's traded being tired and upset for being an insecure emotional train wreck. At least before she had mostly been able to close it all off and pretend that things were OK. Now she can't even make it through three sentences before a wet, choking lump starts to form in her throat. "How do I do that?"

"Well..." Morgan slings an arm over her shoulder, pulling her close once more. "You start by getting dressed. And if you feel up to it after that, you go to breakfast. And you just...tackle the pieces."

"That works?" The strategy seems like a solid one; maybe if she only looks at things as independent moments, not days or weeks or anything else, it will be easier to ignore the worry that it's all going to go away.

"Sometimes. And if it doesn't, I'll be right there with you."

* * *

They make it through breakfast (where Riley decides that waffles with ice cream and maple syrup is pretty much the most perfect combination she had never thought to try) and after a little extended debate over whether or not her aunt should be spending money on her if she's really going to be staying for a while, they end up going to the outlet shops in Kittery (where, after they do some serious shopping, they start to play the ugly clothes game, snapping pictures of each other in the most heinous outfits they can put together). The day is going well enough, Riley thinks. Her Aunt Morgan's strategy of 'tackling the pieces' seems to work, making the whole affair seem less daunting than it had that morning. There's just something... _less_ about the whole day. Less than she's dealt with in months. No pressures, no worries about saying the wrong thing or revealing something she'd rather not, no wondering what something really means or why someone would use those particular words…

As the day presses forward, Riley can feel some of the anchors she's had dragging her down loosen their tethered grip around her ankles. Even that slight difference is noticeable and makes her wonder when she stopped noticing exactly how horrible everything felt at home, but she tries to focus on enjoying the relaxation and rediscovered lightness instead of getting caught up in more questions.

It mostly works.

When they take a late lunch at a seafood shack overlooking the water, Riley gets to shift her attention to ask her aunt all about her life and what's been happening since they last spoke. Morgan's thoroughly enjoying her first season as the artistic director of the town's theater, and even though the pace of life in Maine is vastly different from what she grew up with in Philly, she's grown to appreciate that.

Morgan's only real complaint appears to be her lack of love life. Her job takes up most of her time, and the pool of eligible men in the area is...small. According to her, in a town where the two main economies are the beach and summer stock theater, the bulk of available men are more interested in the other available men than they are the available women.

But on the whole, Morgan's really happy that she's landed in the beach side town, and she promises to show Riley all of the best parts while she's visiting.

Riley checks her phone for the first time since arriving in Maine on the drive back to Ogunquit. There are a few missed calls mixed in with a number of texts.

 _ZAY (9:44 AM): why'd the Augster drop a new podcast ep? it's not saturday..._

 _PEACHES (10:27 AM): Where r u? Ur place is empty..._

 _MISSED CALL FROM PEACHES (10:30 AM)_

 _ZAY (10:33 AM): woah...Aug-monster went_ off _on your parents...things ok over there Sugar?_

 _MISSED CALL FROM PEACHES (10:40 AM)_

 _PEACHES (10:42 AM): srsly, wth r u? Answer ur phone_

 _SPARKLY FARKLE (10:45 AM): Maya says you're not answering your phone and no one's at your apartment. What's going on?_

 _MISSED CALL FROM LUCAS (11:00 AM)_

 _LUCAS (11:01 AM): I know you might be ignoring me because you're mad at about last night but you should answer Maya. She's starting to worry._

 _ZAY (11:10 AM): ok was Aug the Dog's podcast some sort of hint or something? has something gone down? do we need to mount a rescue? send up a smoke signal or something and it's on._

 _UNCLE JOSH (11:17 AM): Why r ur friends texting me to ask where u r?_

 _UNCLE JOSH (11:19 AM): Nvm. Got the story from my mom. Call me if u need me, K? Maybe answer one of ur friends so they stop wigging out._

Riley skips over several more missed calls and variations of 'Where are you?' and 'Answer your phone' before she reaches the last text.

 _SPARKLY FARKLE (3:23 PM): Why does your phone's GPS say you're in Maine?_

Her indignation at Farkle having access to that sort of information rises quickly enough that she types out a reply and sends it before even really thinking about it. _How do you even know that?_

 _SPARKLY FARKLE (3:40 PM): I installed an app on your phone back in seventh grade so I would know where you were, and I forgot to have you get rid of it when I stopped being so weird… Are you OK? Why haven't you been answering anyone? Why are you in Maine? What's going on?_

Riley sends her reply as a group text to all of her friends, lying only a few times to try and make this the end of the conversation. _I'm fine. I'm visiting my Aunt Morgan and there isn't great cell reception here._ _Not sure when I'll be back in the city. Sorry to worry you._ She turns her phone off after the message is sent, and drops it into the cup holder between the seats.

Morgan side eyes her from her position driving. "Everything OK?"

"Yeah." Riley nods, smiling tightly. "Everyone just realized I wasn't in New York anymore and decided it was time to worry about me."

"You make it sound like that's not a good thing."

They've been avoiding talking about her friends and love life and everything else all day. Or rather, Riley's been avoiding it and her aunt has been very polite about not bringing it up in the meantime. Morgan's not exactly asking a question now, but it's obvious she's opening the door for the conversation. Riley has to think for a moment about whether or not she's willing to take the leap and walk through it.

Riley crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the car door. "It just feels weird...they didn't care that much when I was with them."

"Didn't they?"

"Well, some of the time they did." Riley admits. "Mostly when I was so upset that I wasn't letting them think things were fine anymore." She thinks back to the her classmates deciding that Lucas and Maya were the best couple in the school, and when the bully was sending her all of those awful text messages. Both times, like now, she had stopped pretending that she was still shiny and happy Riley and instead let everyone see how upset she really was. Only then did they decide there was a problem. And maybe she's being unfair, but that bothers her; it feels like they only pay enough attention to see if she's fitting their expectations, and if she is, why should they bother thinking about her further? "Is it expecting too much to think that's not enough?"

Morgan takes a moment to answer. "Yes and no."

Riley's head snaps in her aunt's direction.

"I'm not defending it but from what you've told me, just about all of your friends have spent the past year wrapped up in all sorts of their own angst. And teenagers, especially teenage boys, are still developing emotionally. You're like emotional toddlers. It can sometimes be hard to pick up on the littler signals that something is wrong, and even harder to try and bring it up and do something about it.

"You've always been a bit more empathetic and sensitive." Morgan continues to explain before Riley can say anything (though she's not sure whether she would protest because she _doesn't_ find it that hard to see when her friends are upset or if she would agree that her friends, particularly Maya, have had a lot going on this year so it does make a bit of sense that they would be preoccupied). "But for most kids your age it takes a problem smacking them upside the head, like the person they've grown to rely on suddenly not being there, for them to realize that something's going on."

OK. Riley can accept that. Mostly. "You also said no."

"I did. Because I know you. I know you do absolutely everything you can to help your friends and make them happy even when they don't have any problems. And I don't think it's out of line for someone who gives that much to their friends to expect them to return the favor. Especially a group of friends as close as yours is."

Which is all well and good, but doesn't really help. It sounds to Riley like she's just supposed to accept that this is the way things are for her right now. Like Morgan thinks she's painted herself into a corner and she just has to deal with it until everyone else grows a bit more. She says as much when her Aunt turns off the main road towards her neighborhood.

"Did I say that? Ri Ri, the only time you are ever just stuck in a situation is when you refuse to do anything about it. If their behavior bothers you, you are 100% allowed to tell them that. Friendships are two way streets, and if you give a lot but don't get anything in return they are not being good friends."

"I can't just walk up and tell them that!"

"In those words? Of course not. But if you sit down, and calmly explain what it is that they do or don't do that hurts you, they'll probably understand and try to fix things. It will at least start the conversation and you guys might find a better balance."

Riley's not entirely sure how that conversation would go with any of her friends. They never seem hesitate to tell her if she does something they don't like—including things like pushing too hard to make them fit her standards. Would they really even listen to anything like her Aunt is talking about without accusing her of doing the same thing once again? It seems like the sort of thing they would get defensive about…

"I don't know...it's not like I'm perfect. I know I do plenty of things they don't like and-," Riley's voice catches in her throat as they turn into Aunt Morgan's driveway. There's another car that she recognizes parked off to one side. And a form sitting on the front steps of the cottage. A prickly heat washes over her despite the car's air conditioning.

Morgan huffs as she parks. "I can't believe...Wait here." She instructs, before exiting the vehicle and storming up to her front door. She's in such a rush that she doesn't close her car door, and she's not exactly being quiet so it's easy for Riley to hear every word of her angry greeting. "Seriously Cory?! _This_ is what you call staying away? Showing up not even a day later?"

"You didn't really think I was going to stay away?" It's harder for Riley to hear her dad's response. He doesn't match Aunt Morgan's volume or ire; his voice is soft and tired and when she puts it all together with his slumped form, tears spring to Riley's eyes at how shattered he seems. "You tell me that Riley is upset and in pain but I'm not supposed to come running and do everything I can to try and fix that?"

"You're not when you're part of the reason she's so upset."

He stands, shaking his head. "You're not the gatekeeper here, Morgan. She's my daughter."

"Oh, is _that_ what she is? Because to hear Riley tell it for the past year or so all she's really been to you is _at best_ one of your students and a lot of the time all she's really been is the fourth person living in your apartment. She's had trouble with her friends not respecting her feelings and everything that goes along with that, not to mention this love triangle thing with Maya and that Lucas kid and not only do you not even _try_ to make a genuine effort to talk things through with her or just be there for her while she's dealing with it, but you don't even make the effort to spend time with her like you used to. Wow, I take it all back, you are obviously the front runner for father of the year."

"Says the woman up for Best Relative Ever." Her dad fires back. Riley no longer has to fight to hear his words because Morgan has succeeded in provoking a response. There's a nastiness in his tone that feels entirely foreign coming from the same man who used to tuck her in at night and sing _The Unicorn Song_ and sends a pit sinking to the floor of Riley's stomach. "Who actually _tries_ to get caught up in her work and traveling and literally anything else that will keep her from having to come home and visit her family. Who couldn't find the time for her parents 30th Wedding Anniversary, or her younger brother's high school graduation, or to see her older brother get sworn into the senate. Yes, _please_ Morgan. Do tell me more about how easy it is to raise a family, since you have _so_ much experience in that area."

Riley undoes her seat belt and rushes out of the car, desperate to stop the argument before it gets even meaner. She feels sick that her aunt and father are fighting because of her. She had run away because she needed a break. She had finally figured out that she needed to just accept the way things are at home now and she just wanted a chance to do that. She never meant to break down and have Morgan try and start fixing things, or for anyone to start slinging blame and yelling at each other. The only reason she had said no to her parents coming up right away and panicked at the sight of her dad just now was because she's barely had the chance to breathe yet, let alone recharge enough to go back as he will surely insist upon, and deal with everything all over again.

That and she's more than a little terrified over how much trouble she's in for running away in the first place.

But she can't watch her family fight and be horrible to each other. Especially over her. Riley can find a way to deal with whatever grounding or punishment her parents can come up with and she can get used to relying on herself; she couldn't handle the guilt of causing an actual rift between family members.

"Both of you stop right now!" Her run stops as she steps in between them. "Family doesn't treat each other like this."

"Riley, it's fine." Morgan cautions, reaching out to lay a hand on her shoulder.

Riley shakes her head. "No, it's not. You're both saying _horrible_ things for absolutely no good reason."

"No, Riley, we have our reasons." Her father denies. He doesn't take his glaring gaze away from Morgan, although his tone softens considerably.

"Being angry is not a reason to be cruel."

Aunt Morgan crosses her arms over her chest and quirks an eyebrow. "He doesn't mean any of it. He's just upset that I'm not letting him push around while I'm helping you."

"I was talking about both of you!" Riley protests, throwing her hands up in the air. All of her worry is quickly being shoved out of the way by her indignation. Even now, with two people who have supposedly listened to how it feels like nobody has been hearing her lately, she's stuck repeating herself and trying to make them understand her. "And you're not helping. I know that I came to you because I was hurt and I said I didn't want to see my parents for a while but that I didn't mean for you to be so...so nasty!" She takes a step back out from between them, and looks at them both. "If this is how you're going to treat each other I'm sorry I ever said anything, and I'm not gonna stand here and watch you two tear each other apart. I'm going for a walk on the beach. Maybe you can figure this out while I'm gone."

She takes off down the path that winds around Morgan's home and will bring her down to the beach. Her dad calls her name once that she hears, but Riley doesn't stop; she can't stop or once again what she's done will come crashing down on over her head and she'll have to _feel_ it all again.

When she kicks off her shoes and steps into the sand her strategy fails and it all hits her anyways. How stupid can she possibly be? Yelling at her dad when she's surely already in trouble with him? Yelling at her Aunt Morgan when she's been so welcoming and helpful? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

Riley sinks down to sit in the sand, staring aimlessly at the blue-gray waves rolling gently into shore. She might as well enjoy the sight while she can, and in many ways watching the repetitive motion is relaxing. Surely when her dad or Aunt Morgan catch up with her it'll be to tell her that she needs to get everything together and hop in the car to head back to New York. Morgan might have been willing to fight for her before, but she can't imagine that will be the case now.

No, it'll be back to the city to try and find her footing in her life now that she's clear on where she stands.

Riley sits and she stares and she wonders if that's a life and a world that she really can handle being a part of and she doesn't even notice when her dad comes up and sits next to her until he nudges her shoulder with his and speaks.

"You know, it's not every day a man gets to feel two feet tall two times in less than a day thanks to his teenage daughter."

She glances over, but barely registers that there's half a smile on his face. "I'm really sorry. I never should have run away to come up here, and I never should have yelled at you just now. I just didn't want you guys fighting over me and saying all those things that you could never take back. I'm so not worth that and I can't believe I was so dramatic and selfish to even put you in the positi-,"

"Riley, I'm gonna stop you right there." Her dad cuts her off, holding up one hand. He only continues after she closes her mouth. "First of all, I can promise you that you _are_ worth that and more. I might be doing a really horrible job showing that lately, but you are my daughter and there is no one I wouldn't fight if it meant protecting you.."

That doesn't sound right. Not because she doesn't necessarily believe him, but because it just seems wrong. Nobody should be willing to fight the world, particularly people that are a close part of their own world, just for her.

"That said," her dad continues, "you were right to get between us and put a stop to that. I was angry and taking it out on her because she was there and it was easy, and that's an awful thing to do. It's good that you stopped us before it got out of hand. I should have known better, than to do anything but direct my anger to the person I'm actually mad at."

"Me?" Riley cringes.

He shakes his head. "Me. When it comes to you I was...terrified when I realized Morgan was telling the truth and you weren't in your room. Incredibly worried when it hit me that something had upset you so much that you didn't think you could stay and talk to me or your mom. A little proud when I realized you had come up with a good plan and gotten yourself safely someplace so far away," he admits with another nudge and small grin, "and then scared again when I realized that meant you were good at this and if I couldn't fix this I could easily lose you…." He trails off in a heavy sigh. "Riley, why did you run away?"

Riley doesn't even know if she can begin to explain it all to him. It was one thing to blurt it all out to Aunt Morgan when she was barely in control of herself to begin with; Aunt Morgan wasn't actually involved or in the position to tell her she was wrong or get mad at her or anything else. Her dad on the other hand…

It's already starting to sound like he's hurt and feeling guilty over all of this and Riley may be upset but the last thing she wants to do is make him feel worse. He's still her father.

Eventually she settles on, "I got really tired."

"Of?"

It takes Riley another moment to answer him. She doesn't want to, but she remembers what Morgan was saying in the car, about friendship being a two way street and tells herself that that reasoning might just apply to family too. "Being the odd one out. Things have been really hard with all the Maya and Lucas stuff, and every time I got home it just got harder. Watching you and mom with Auggie...You both get along with him so well and take care of him and it's just...not like that with me anymore."

"When I was...a little older than you, Eric and I had a similar problem with your grandpa. He did certain things with me, and certain things with him, and neither of us had a whole relationship. I promised myself if I had more than one kid I was never gonna do that."

"You haven't really." Riley shakes her head. She feels a bit bolder now that she's started. At least brave enough that she can explain what she really means. "You're not treating us differently. It's more like...you've stopped dealing with me at all."

"Riley-,"

But she's on a roll now and presses forward. "We don't talk anymore. Not if it's not about school. And we don't go on father-daughter trips or watch movies together...You don't like to talk about Lucas and my love life and I get it, but it's like...it's like hitting puberty made me invisible to you. I've been exhausted and drowning for weeks and not only can't I talk to you about it, but you don't even notice how miserable I am to just give me a hug and tell me it's going to be OK..." The tears start to fall, and Riley wipes at her face and sniffs. She's so _sick_ of crying but every time something starts it up it's like faucet that she can't even reach to turn off.

Her dad starts to reach out, but hesitates. "You probably wouldn't believe me now if I gave you a hug and told you it was going to be OK, would you?"

"Not particularly." She wipes at her nose indelicately with the back of her hand after his comment makes her snort and giggle through the tears.

"Then I won't for now." He nods. "But I will tell you how incredibly sorry I am. Watching you grow up and become a young woman has been _so hard_ for me. It means I'm getting older and you're getting older and I'm not ready for either of those things. Sometimes you seem so smart and strong and sure of yourself that it feels like you don't need me anymore. And I'm not saying that to make an excuse, because there is no excuse for making your daughter feel like she can't come to you anymore, but I have to explain...When you build your world around taking care of someone and they start to grow out of needing you...I guess I started taking steps back because I didn't like how it felt when I couldn't be what you needed anymore.

"But I didn't think about how that would look to you, or that it was making it harder for you to come to me, and I need you to know that it kills me that something I did made you feel so alone and miserable."

"Just because I'm getting older, doesn't mean I don't need you anymore." Riley turns away. She's starting to feel ridiculously awkward crying in front of him, for one, and she needs to process exactly what her dad has told her. Does he mean it? Is it worth the gamble in trying to trust him again. "I'm always going to need you. You're my dad."

"And I'm always going to want you to come to me when you do. No matter what, or who, the problem is. You're my daughter."

Several beats pass while Riley's tears taper off. She starts staring at the water again, using the timing of the waves to even out her breathing, and is a little startled when her dad starts to chuckle.

"You know, believe it or not, there was also a time when I had to talk to your grandparents because between their work and Eric and Morgan I was completely getting lost in the shuffle."

It's a little hard to believe. "What did they do?"

"Your grandfather told me that if I had something to talk about and I needed to get his attention, then all I had to do was grab his face like this." Her dad reaches over and turns her to face him by gently pressing her cheeks with his hands. "And he promised that as long as I had his face, I had his attention. Think we should try that?"

Riley understands the giggles now, and she's willing to give in to them herself now that she's picturing it; she wants to believe that her dad sharing this means he plans on genuinely trying to be better. Maybe if it sticks, going back to the city so soon won't be so bad. Giving into the silliness of the moment, Riley laughs and claps her hands to the sides of his face. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Let go of my face, please?" After they release each other she shifts her position so she can wrap her arms around his neck. He hugs her tightly in return. "I'm sorry I scared you by running away."

"I'm sorry I helped make you feel like you had to."

Riley enjoys the embrace for far longer than she normally would and when they finally pull apart, it's only because it's getting a little hard to physically hold the position with how they're sitting. "I know I said last night that I didn't want to see you," she says wiping her face once last time, determined that she's done crying for the afternoon, "but I'm glad you ignored me this time."

Her dad wraps an arm around her, pulling her close again and letting her lean head against his shoulder. "Me too, Riles."

Several long beats pass. Riley tries to just sit there and enjoy the moment—the relief and newfound peace of being on the road to a repaired relationship with her dad—but there's a question circulating in her head that won't leave her alone. She doesn't really want to ask it, not when she knows not only might she not like the answer, but that even the act of asking it might disrupt the comfortable reconciliation she's started with her dad. However, Riley can't just ignore the glaringly obvious missing factor.

"Mom didn't come with you, did she?"

Her dad briefly stiffens behind her, sighing soon after. "No, she didn't."

It takes everything Riley has not to crumble all over again. There's nothing about her dad's words that indicate, ' _No, your mom didn't come with me to try and apologize but she has a good reason not to and she feels horrible about it anyways.'_ If anything, he sounds tired and hesitant when he speaks, which just doesn't seem like it could ever be a good sign. "Did she say why?"

"Sometimes it can be really hard to admit that you're wrong about something. Especially when your mistakes mean that you hurt someone that you love. When Morgan called last night, your mom and I both realized that we've been wrong about a lot. We both have a lot to make up for with you and to apologize for and...your mom is having a hard time with that."

Riley wants to pout and be petulant and go back to being angry at that. She wants to ask how, if it's so hard, he managed to get through the struggle and start dealing with it. She wants to ask if he could get over himself and face the problem why couldn't she?

Only her heart takes over from her brain and what comes out is, "She hates me, doesn't she?" before her resolution not to cry anymore breaks again.

* * *

Her dad stays with them in Ogunquit for two days. He apologizes to Morgan for his less than kind words (receiving one in return for hers) but they spend most of their time together in serious, rediscover their father-daughter bond mode. They go to the beach and the show Morgan's theater is producing, and they even drive further up into the state to catch a minor league baseball game. In addition to the fun, it all leaves them with plenty of time for talking.

Riley catches him up on the situation with all of her friends. He swallows his discomfort with it admirably, only advising her to cloister herself twice before giving her some actual things to think about, once again drawing on stories from his past.

Her dad also tries to assure her that her mother's absence and lack of communication are only indicative of her mother's struggle to process what's happening, not of her feelings for Riley, but it's a little hard for Riley to put much stock in his words when there's no call from her mom, no sign of her appearing and no sign of either of those things changing (even on a phone call with Auggie, her younger brother dolefully informs her that just a mention of Riley's name is enough to send her mom out of the room).

As much as she feels better about things with her dad, and however more prepared she feels to deal with whatever might happen with her friends, Riley knows she's not ready to go back and face that.

With a bit of negotiation and discussion, she reaches the agreement with her dad and Aunt Morgan that she can stay in Maine, provided that they stay in touch, for the three weeks until Morgan's birthday, at which point they'll reevaluate.

After her dad goes back to New York, Riley joins her aunt at the playhouse and starts unofficially working as her assistant as a way to thank her for her hospitality and understanding. This mostly boils down to being a gofer, organizing scripts and notes for meetings, and making coffee, lunch, and bakery runs. She gets the chance to peer in on rehearsals and watch performances and finds herself spellbound by the talent and watching the cast and crew build incredible worlds on stage.

Between running her errands and watching as much as she can, Riley gets to know several of the cast members, more so when she learns that several of them are Aunt Morgan's closest friends in the town and that once a week after the performances everyone who wants to from the cast and crew gets together at a piano bar down the road and throws an impromptu cabaret performance for the who ever happens to be there at the time. Morgan always goes, often acting as the MC, and three days into working as her assistant, she and the cast insist that Riley join them.

Morgan also insists that Riley pick a song and join everyone on stage, a notion that Riley argues against, even as they're making their way from the theater to the restaurant that night. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"I know you haven't exactly prepared anything, but it's not that kind of thing anyways." Morgan rolls her eyes. "Half the time we're playing karaoke roulette in there. Everyone's really supportive and it's a lot of fun. I think it'll be good for you."

"It's just...not something I do anymore." Riley shrugs.

"What? Sing?"

"Yeah."

"Riley, you've got to be kidding. You have an incredible voice. Why would you stop singing?"

Riley doesn't answer right away. How do you explain that you put something that you loved to the side because you didn't want your friend to have to share the spotlight? It's not something that Aunt Morgan will understand; she's always been someone to advocate being the best version of yourself always and if other people can't handle that then they can't handle you and you should move on. She's never worried that her actions, personality, or life in general would be enough to drive someone away. "Other people needed it more."

The cryptic statement doesn't deter her aunt. "Well _you_ need it now. Start thinking of a song."

At the piano bar, Riley gets up on the makeshift stage and sings _Landslide_. Three lines in she starts to relax. Halfway through she let's herself get lost in what she's singing. By the end of the song she's a little shaky as the emotion starts to over take her, but she feels lighter and stronger than she has in ages.

When they get back to Morgan's house from the bar at the end of the night, Riley is still too keyed up to sleep, and she starts the process of writing e-mails to the friends that she's felt so disconnected from lately.

* * *

Morgan subtly spies on Riley from the side of the packed lobby, unable to contain her small smile and swell of pride as she watches her niece help hand out programs for the day's matinee. The teen is much closer to her usual friendly and joyful self; compared to how she was when she first arrived she's practically glowing. And while Morgan knows she can't take total credit for the fast turnaround (that honor mostly belongs to Riley getting a chance to be breathe away from a couple of very difficult situations and having a few serious discussions with her dad to rekindle and repair that relationship) she's more than happy to attribute some of the rediscovered confidence and liveliness to her support and motivation. After all, the improvements have been particularly marked since Riley started joining her at the theater and even more so in the day and a half since Morgan had convinced her to sing at the piano bar.

Morgan enjoys watching Riley smile and help the patrons because she looks so at ease and genuinely happy.

Then Morgan notices that she isn't the only one in the room watching her niece.

There's a young man standing near the souvenir counter. His eyes are on Riley and he doesn't even try to hide it, nor does he try to hide the small, admiring smile. He's more put together than half the teenagers who get dragged there by their families and recognizable from several pictures Morgan has seen of Riley and her friends. It doesn't take much for Morgan to put two and two together. This is the guy. This is _Lucas_.

Morgan has to wonder what the parents in New York are up to. Clearly it's not watching their kids.

How her niece, at only 14 has already inspired a guy to put this level of effort in when most of the boys at that age are barely secure and open enough to manage the heart emoji is a little awe-inspiring. Or, it would be if it weren't for the fact that he's also a guy jerking Riley around because both she and her friend have feelings for him and he won't make a choice. Morgan has a little sympathy for him (after all, the girls are best friends and also _his_ friends and no matter what his decision is, that leaves a lot of feelings getting hurt) but at the end of the day her loyalty lies with Riley, so she gets to dislike the boy who's been helping to kill Riley's spirit.

He's oblivious to the fact that someone has caught on to his observations, even when Morgan starts navigating the crowds to approach him. Riley hasn't noticed his presence either—she's still greeting theatergoers and handing out programs with enthusiasm—and Morgan is determined to pull him aside and have a few words before she does.

Morgan doesn't really care how dreamy or sensitive he is; if he undoes any of Riley's progress there's going to be hell to pay and it's only fair if he knows that. And if she happens to scare and torture him a little for the role he's already played, well...that's an added bonus at this point.

When Morgan is standing next to the teenager, she leans in next to his ear. "Do your parents know where you are?"

He jumps a little, then turns to look at her. He takes in her professional attire and the badge identifying her as theater staff and his posture straightens, though he relaxes and smiles again as well. "Oh, my mom has already gone in to sit, ma'am. I was just-,"

"You were just staring at my niece." Morgan cuts him off archly, then introduces herself. "Morgan Matthews. Sister of Cory, Eric, and Josh. Aunt to Auggie and Riley. Not impressed by you so far."

He doesn't seem too daunted, despite his smile receding back a little as he holds hand out. "Luc-,"

"Lucas Friar, AKA the cowboy with the heart of gold who's been breaking a heart or two of his own lately. I know who you are."

"Then you should know that-,"

"Walk with me, Friar." Morgan beckons with one hand, leaving no room for argument. With one last glance towards Riley (still happily engrossed in her duties) Morgan leads Lucas out of the building towards the patio garden where the theater serves drinks in the evenings. They're still walking, just breaking through the crowd when Morgan speaks again. "Is you mom really in the theater?"

"Yes ma'am." He's now getting thoroughly intimidated, if the brevity in his answer and nervous glint in his eye is anything to go by.

Morgan stops in her tracks, turning on her heels and arching an eyebrow. A little extra attitude never hurts. "Do I look like a ma'am to you?"

He swallows. "You look like a person who deserves to be respected."

Well. There are worse ways to answer that question. Morgan will give Lucas credit for that, even if she won't show it. She starts to walk again. "And what exactly is it that brings you all the way to Maine? Are here to make things better? Or worse?"

"Better ma-," he cuts himself off, thinking better of his response. "I mean, Ms. Matthews. I convinced my mom to bring me up here, so I could put an end to this once and for all. I'm choosing-,"

"Who you are hoping is still willing to date you after months of this drama is their business and yours, not mine." As much as Morgan would like to, she knows she can't just shield Riley from this, and could very well want to if she knows what Lucas' plans are. Better to just not know. She takes a seat at one of the empty wrought iron tables. "What I _do_ want to know is why now?"

Lucas sits, paler and more off-kilter than he had been back in the lobby. He takes her through a quick summary of the situation with the two girls, struggling a bit to remain vague when it comes to his actual feelings and who they're for. It's so clear who he's referencing when he says his feelings for one girl have always been special compared to his feelings for the other, but he didn't dare come between them and make the choice, potentially coming between them or making one of them hate him, that Morgan has to fight to keep from smiling.

"Before she came here, Riley and I had a fight." He continues after the story has reached the present. "She pointed out that I wasn't being fair to anyone and wasn't helping. And then Josh posted that video you sent of her singing...She was so open and honest and—and I didn't realize before I saw that just how much she was hurting. I knew I had to stop pretending and do something about it."

"That song wasn't about you." As far as Morgan knows, although this is something that Riley has been avoiding talking about more and more, Riley was much more thinking about Topanga when she was on stage. It was why she had filmed the moment and sent it to her family; she had thought maybe it might spurn the sort of response in her sister-in-law that it apparently managed to do with Lucas. She doesn't want to outright discourage him, especially now that she's confident he wants to choose Riley, but Morgan also doesn't want him to think that this will be a magical fix it moment if Riley accepts what he has to say. The rest of the problems she's dealing with aren't going to magically vanish just because the boy she likes likes her back.

Lucas nods solemnly. "Not entirely. I know I'm not the only person that's hurt her lately. But if even a fraction of the pain she was letting out up on that stage was because of me then I owe it to her to apologize and try to make it right."

Morgan has to hand it to the kid. If nothing else, he definitely knows the right words to say. She leans forward in her seat, resting her elbows on the table. "OK. If you wait here, I will get Riley to come out and you can say your piece. _But—_ I am warning you right now, if you do or say anything to upset or hurt her, if you don't respect what she decides or what she has to say about all of this...Well...People go missing in the woods around here all the time and never get found."

"Understood, ma—Ms. Matthews."

"Excellent. Now, where is your mom sitting? Someone should tell her you might not make it inside for the show."

* * *

 _You should head out to the garden patio. There's someone out there waiting to see you._

Riley's heart is pounding so intensely in her chest that it feels like it might punch through her ribs at any moment. Her aunt wouldn't tell who it is that's come to see her, just that she thought it was someone Riley would want to see. That could practically mean anyone, and Riley isn't really in the mood for surprises. She knows Aunt Morgan isn't going to send her towards anything that she thinks would be bad (she had been more than willing to fight with her own brother to protect Riley after all) but even so, Riley's trust and belief in other people still isn't that high.

She's found her footing again since leaving the city but the ground beneath her still feels terribly unsteady and she doesn't want to stumble and fall again. It's all she can do to keep walking. Then she rounds the corner and stops dead in her tracks at the head of the sidewalk.

Lucas.

The pounding in her chest intensifies from an intense drum solo to a vigorous jackhammer.

He's pacing near the tables, texting while he walks, but it only takes a few brief moments for him to notice her and a soft smile to break out across his face. "Riley!" He tucks his phone back into the pocket of his pants and half jogs up to her.

"Lucas!" A nervous giggle falls through her lips and she takes a step back, just out of the reach of his attempt at a hug when he reaches her. She can't do this. Why Aunt Morgan thought this would be a good thing, she doesn't know, because all she can think about is yelling at him, calling him a jerk and essentially giving him permission to choose Maya just to put them out of their misery, telling him to leave her alone, and surely this is just the fallout from that coming to fruition. This is where the ground is going to completely disappear all over again and she just can't do it. "What...are you doing here?"

His smile falls back when she doesn't accept his embrace. "We need to talk, Riley. There is...so much that we need to talk about. And I have something I need to do with you." He tries to grab her hand but again Riley moves it out of the way.

If this is it, if this is really going to be the end, she's not going to make it easy on him. She's not going to let him be gentle and gallant and make it all the more heartbreaking for her. If this is going to be the end, she knows it's wrong of her, but she wants to be able to be mad at him so she needs him to be mean. So she resists his touch and says the first sarcastic thing that comes to mind. "Let me guess. Since I've been gone you've been spending time with Maya and you need to even things up again."

"No." He shakes his head. "This is something just for you."

Riley doesn't even get a chance to think what that could mean. Her phone chimes in her pocket. At first she ignores it but then Lucas smiles again and nods.

"You should read that."

How can he possibly know? Riley asks herself, pulling her phone out anyways and thumbing open the text message.

 _PEACHES (2:15 PM): Listen to what Huckleberry says. Follow your heart. I promise I'll be just fine with what happens._

Riley frowns. She looks up, and sees Lucas regarding her with a seriousness that even after all these months of drama, she's not quite used to seeing on his face. Or maybe it's just that there's something about it now that she can't quite place. A not of something more than just the heartache and angst.

"You were so right to yell at me the other day. I've known who I wanted to be with this entire time, I just...never dared to say it out loud because the last thing I wanted to was lose anyone's friendship. But doing that was wrong. Because instead of ending things quickly, all I was doing was giving out false hope and making the inevitable harder. I've already apologized to Maya for that, and now I'd like to apologize to you."

Riley unconsciously lowers her phone as she listens to him and a small spark of hope starts to flicker at his words; it fades out just as quickly and gets replaced by fiery indignation at his last sentence. "You just said that-,"

"I know. This conversation is going to be very different then the one I had with Maya, I promise." Lucas waits a moment, and when Riley doesn't protest again, he continues. "I need to apologize to you Riley. I never made my choice clear because I knew it could hurt Maya to hear that she's never been more than a friend to me and that I don't see that changing. I figured it I took that away from her she would hate me, and I know how you feel about her. I know if I hurt her there was every possibility that you would hate me too. I could never live with losing either of you.

"But I didn't realize that in my effort to not hurt her I was making you doubt everything that we shared and hurting you instead. I thought that some part of you knew what I was doing. But then you yelled at me and I realized how wrong I was. Then the next thing I know you're gone...And I realized that there's only one person that I can't bear losing. You."

"What?"

"Riley, I begged my mom to bring me up here because we've spent the past few months drifting further and further apart, trying to push down our feelings and be the bigger people for the sake of friendship, and maybe this does make me a bad friend, I don't know but...I don't want to waste one more moment having you think that you're not the most important person in my life."

"You..."Riley can't even begin to form a sentence for the tears that are gathering. This can't possibly be happening.

Lucas steps forward to take her hands; this time Riley lets him. "Riley, I came here for you. _Just_ for you."

Riley's fairly certain that she stops breathing. One moment she's stunned, in complete disbelief that something she's been secretly dreaming about for months is genuinely happening, the next moment Lucas is pulling her closer and his lips are on hers, and the moment after that she's melting, smiling and crying and feeling about a thousand different emotions converging on her all at once. "Is this really happening?" She doesn't even realize that she's said the words aloud until Lucas chuckles and answers her.

"I hope so. Because if this is a dream, this about the part where it turns into a nightmare and you tell me to get lost."

"I could never..." It takes Riley a moment of a serious thought, even through her tears and joy and disbelief to decide what to say next. As perfect as the moment feels, even having Maya's blessing on top of everything else, there's so much to consider; she wants it, but is she ready for it? Is _he_? Is it really the right time to make any sort of decision like this when she's been so off-kilter? "Promise me that we'll do things our way? At our pace? How we think they should happen?"

"I don't think it could work if we do it any other way."

"Then...if this a dream," Riley takes a deep breath, already starting to feel overwhelmed again, "it's the part where I say yes. Let's be an us."

Lucas grins. In a movement that nearly startles her he drops her hands, wraps his arms around her and hoists her up, spinning and laughing in joy. Riley joins him, unable to contain her own giggles in the incredible lightness of the new moment. He presses a kiss to her cheek as he lowers her back to the ground.

They stand together, smiling, arms around each other and almost swaying to a non-existent music for who knows how long. Riley isn't going to bother to count the moments. Not when things feel _so_ exciting and _so_ right for the first time since the end of seventh grade. Even so, she knows they can't just stand in the garden patio forever.

"What happens now?"

"Now, we do just what you said. We go at our pace. We ignore the pressure from everyone else and just do...us."

"That sounds nice."

"Also, you get to be the one to tell your Aunt. Your dad could take lessons from her. She is seriously scary."

* * *

Things seem to move a bit faster once she and Lucas find their new understanding. He and his mom don't stay in Maine very long given the last minute nature of their trip, but while he's there they manage a video chat with Maya (so Riley can confirm that her involvement is officially over and that her friend really is OK with the outcome) and a date (mini golf, ice cream, and a walk on the beach). Even after they leave, it just feels like everything's coming together.

The triangle is done with. She's had several long talks with Maya and Farkle and they've been so open and honest with each other it feels like they have to be on the road towards a much better set of friendships. Her dad has been reaching out every day, sometimes just to say hi, but more often than not to have a lengthy chat.

The only thing missing—and it's an absence that seems to be growing bigger and colder every day—is her mother.

Her mom still hasn't made an appearance. Or called. Or sent a text message or a smoke signal or anything to indicate that she even remembers that she technically has a daughter. Riley's desperate to ask her dad what's going on but she's too afraid of the answer to do it.

For a few days her fear and depression over the absence of her mom turns into anger. Her dad had said plenty about how hard it was to realize that you had failed as a parent and to have to admit that, but somehow he had gotten over himself and managed. What exactly is so special about her mom that she can't? Riley can't think of anything that she had said or an action she had taken that would make their conflict different than that of the one with her dad. The only conclusion that Riley can reach is that it has to be something about _her_. There's something about who she is that her mom can't bond with and her mom seems to be done pretending that she can or that she cares.

There's a sense of resignation that comes with figuring this out, in addition to the crushing blow and the way it seems to grip her heart in a shameful, red-hot fist.

Maybe this is the price for everything else coming together. Keep your friends, keep your dad, get a boyfriend, lose your mom.

Riley doesn't dare share this realization with anyone. They'll just tell her that it's not true, her mom just needs more time. But Riley's never seen her mom hesitate to do anything. If anything were going to happen, there would have been a sign of it by now. It just seems smarter to her to prepare herself to go back to a home where she'll be invisible to one parent than to waste time on everyone's false hope and set herself up for more disappointment. So in between phone calls and video chats and helping Aunt Morgan at the theater, that's what Riley tries to do.

Then, in the week before her Aunt's birthday the letter comes.

 _Dear Riley,_

 _I never thought the day would come where it would be easier for me to write to my daughter rather than have a discussion face to face, and I am beyond ashamed that it has come to this but...I don't even know where to begin to apologize for what I've done. After Morgan called and told you'd left and why, I spent the whole night thinking and realized exactly how many times over this past year that I've failed you. It's more times than I'd care to count, though I'm sure each and every one stands out in stark contrast in your mind._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I'm sorry for all I've done and I'm sorry for not saying it in person._

 _Your dad wanted me to come with him to Maine to apologize and make things right. He couldn't understand why I refused. He argued with me that you're our daughter, and you're in pain because of us, and we have to go and help you. He didn't understand that was precisely why I couldn't go._

 _How do you help someone when you're the source of their pain? How do you apologize to your daughter when you can't even look her in the eye?_

 _I couldn't make myself come with him, and I'm sorry._

 _I'm sorry I can't even call, because every time I try I start to cry and have to stop. Any conversation we have needs to be about the pain I've caused you, not my anguish at finally realizing that I've caused it._

 _I'm sorry I stopped valuing your accomplishments. I'm sorry I stopped encouraging you to explore and embrace your talents. I'm sorry that I took for granted that you understood your strength and potential and didn't need me to remind you of it anymore. I understand now that it's not a matter of whether you understand or need it, it's that you deserve to hear it from me regardless._

 _You are incredible and strong and the world is at your feet. I'm sorry that I let you feel otherwise._

 _I'm sorry that I stopped making time for you in the face of your growing independence._

 _I'm sorry I stopped listening to what you were telling me. I'm sorry I stopped paying attention to what you were trying to get me to notice._

 _I'm sorry that I prioritized helping Maya over you. That wasn't fair to anyone. It wasn't fair to Katy, who wants nothing more than to be the person Maya can turn to and has worked so incredibly hard to become that person. It wasn't fair to Maya, who deserves a chance to form that bond, and by letting her to continue to rely on me instead of pointing her that way, I was keeping her from doing so. And it wasn't fair to you. I left you without someone to turn to when you needed me most and my willful blindness to the situation left you feeling alone and unwanted._

 _I'm sorry._

 _I don't expect you to forgive me. A mother making her daughter feel so horrible for so long is unforgivable. But I want you to know that I regret every last moment of it._

 _I am so unbelievably proud of you for the young woman you're becoming. I hope one day I'll earn the right to tell you that to your face, but right now I know I've lost that right and I have to earn it back. I only wish I knew how._

 _Until I figure that out, I need you to know this:_

 _You are my strong, beautiful daughter. My fierce, fantastic, smart daughter. You, Riley Rose-Marie Matthews, are my daughter. And I'm sorry for ever treating you like anything less._

 _With all apologies and love,_

 _Your Mother_

Riley shows the letter to her Aunt Morgan, while using shaking hands to wipe the tears from her face. "It's time for me to go back."

Morgan reads the letter and nods. "I'll call your dad."

* * *

The same lengthy train ride that took her away from the city brings Riley back to it. Her dad picks her up with Auggie in tow, so she spends most of the trip from the train station to the apartment marveling over his growth spurt and hearing about his day camp adventures since they last spoke on the phone. His happy stores of swimming lessons, capture the flag and one epic water war of campers against counselors are the perfect distraction from her nerves.

She knows it's time for her to come back. She would have had to eventually anyways but if her mother's letter had told her anything, it was that if they were going to talk about what happened and truly figure out where they stood with each other, she was going to have to initiate it. Her mom seems to think that Riley won't accept anything else, even though she's already done so with her dad. Riley has to prove to her that she's at least willing to listen if they're ever going to move forward.

Riley knows it's time to come back. That doesn't stop her from being terrified that it's somehow going to go wrong. It's a fear she's battled for the entire journey back, a little tempted at every stop over to hop off the train and buy a ticket back to the security of the beach and Aunt Morgan's. She stays on the train out of a stubborn optimistic belief that no matter what happens with her mom, everything else is going to continue working out and be great. The same force of will sticks with her while she listens to Auggie and chats a bit more with her dad. It's a nice, bolstering companion right up until they reach the door to the apartment, where every last bit of optimism disappears and she freezes.

"Does she know I'm coming?"

"I thought a surprise might be better." Her dad answers her quiet, slightly panicked question.

"For her or me?"

Her dad and Auggie reply at the same time.

"Both of you."

"Her."

Well, that clears that right up. Riley doesn't even get the chance to really consider why a surprise would be the better option before her dad pushes the apartment door open. He and Auggie enter first, and it only takes a moment for Riley to hear her mom's voice.

"Well there you are, what took you guys so long? I thought you were just going down to the farmer's market...and yet you're back without a single vegetable."

"We made a detour." Auggie announces proudly.

"A detour? For what?"

Riley can only see the back of her dad's head, but she knows he's got that silly grin on his face. The one that he wears whenever he feels he's pulled something off and gotten one over on someone. He never gets to wear it with her mom so he's probably particularly pleased at the moment. "Just a surprise for you."

Her mom says, and Riley hears just how tired her mom sounds. "Cory, whatever it is I'm sure that I don't-,"

"It's me." Riley steps through the door reminded that she decided to come back to take the first step and prove to her mom that she was willing to have the conversation in the first place. That means taking the first step literally too. Her mom is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a book. Her face is drawn and thin; maybe it's just Riley's imagination but she looks a little older than she remembers. Tears spring to Riley's eyes. She did this.

"Riley?" Her mom pushes away from the table with a speed that seems to surprise everyone. Her face is so stunned that Riley can't yet tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

She waves, ever so smally. "Hi mom."

"Riley!" Before she knows it, her mom is launching herself across the room and pulling Riley into the tightest hug she thinks she's ever been a part of. They're both crying in the embrace—it just feels too good and familiar to be in her mother's arms again to hold back until she thinks they're back at that point in their relationship again to give in—and after moment she realizes that while her mom is holding her and stroking her hair and crying, she's also talking. "Oh Riley, I am so sorry. Did you get my letter? I know it's not the same as a real apology and we have so much that we need to talk about but it was the only way I knew how to start. Tell me you got my letter and that you want to fix this. Tell me you believe that we can fix this."

And Riley knows. She knows without question that her mom is genuinely sorry. She knows that with enough talking and time, they'll find their way back to a comfortable mother-daughter relationship. She knows that the first step she wants to take towards that is making her mom smile again. "Of course we can." She pulls back from the hug, wiping at her face. "I left because I thought I had lost you, not because I wanted to."

"Oh thank god. I was so worried that you'd never want to talk to me again, and there is _so much_ that we need to talk about."

"There is." Riley nods. "But before we do that, I thought you might want to hear about my date with Lucas." First dates and new boyfriends were, after all, something that in Riley's eyes every girl should get to share the details of with their mother.

Her mom's eyes widen. "He chose?"

Riley glances towards her dad. He's known about that for a while now, and surely he would have told.

"I thought that was something that was better left as a surprise too." He says, the same little grin on his face.

Riley turns back, nodding again and smiling through the remainder of her tears. "He chose." She links her elbow with her mom's and starts walking down the hallway towards her room. The only real choice in the apartment when it comes to gossip and emotional discussions is the bay window. "I'll start at the beginning. I was helping Aunt Morgan at the theater where she works..."

* * *

And that's that! Thank you so much for reading and all of your reviews, subscriptions, and favorites. You're all the best!


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